I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the “me first” attitude that has been pervading our society for a long time now. The false doctrine of “self-esteem” has made everyone think that pleasing oneself is the most important thing to consider. This is contrary to God’s word which clearly states that Jesus came to serve and not to BE served…and that we should do likewise. The Bible speaks very clearly about not elevating yourself above others, and not thinking too highly of yourself either. This is a tough pill to swallow in a world that idolizes independent, successful, and selfish people over the humble, quiet and Godly ones…

Not that there is anything wrong with being successful, as long as you are careful to give the glory to God and not take all of the credit for yourself. We tend to forget that without Him we are nothing, and that everything we have has been given to us as a blessing from above. When we start thinking that we alone are responsible for our success it is dangerous thinking. By the same token, if we begin to believe that children are created by an act of our OWN will independent of the Lord, then suddenly abortion becomes permissible. After all, if I created it, then I can destroy it….right? As Christians, we need to open our eyes to the attitudes that surround us everywhere. We need to read God’s word, and understand the flaws in this kind of selfish thinking. God has a higher purpose for each and every one of us, and it is so sad to see the majority of people stumbling through life just waiting for their purpose to be revealed. The Lord never intended for us to walk blindly along never quite knowing what we should do with our lives. He reveals more of Himself to us as well as His plans for us when we fervently seek His face.

Sometimes the hardest thing about mothering is the loss of your own personal time. As long as we believe that our time is our “own”, then it is easy to become angry and resentful when we don’t get much of it. Everywhere I turn there are mothers complaining about being overworked, overstressed, and under- appreciated. This is something many of us can relate to! The questions we need to ask ourselves are the following…

1. Are we really overworked, or are we just being lazy and not wanting to do everything that we know we need to do to keep things running smoothly? (Hint: if you have a roof over your head, indoor plumbing, a washing machine and a family vehicle then you are already working far less than most moms in the world!)
2.  Are we truly overstressed, or are we depending on ourselves too much instead of leaning on the Lord for strength? (Hint: if you always think you know all the answers without consulting God in prayer first, or if you are taking on too many other responsibilities outside of your home ministry, then you may need to change a few things in order to lessen your stress. Even in times of what the world would consider extreme or unmanageable stress, the Lord CAN and WILL give you peace as well as the ability to deal with your situation if only you will ASK Him.)
3. Are we really under-appreciated, or are we simply looking for our families to lavish praise upon us in a shallow attempt to boost our own “self-esteem”? (Hint: Do you actually believe that your family doesn’t appreciate having clean clothes to wear, good food to eat, a loving ear to listen to them, etc… etc… etc… just because they don’t always say it? In fact, do you remember to thank your husband for going to work every day to provide for your lifestyle?)

    Once we give up the notion that we OWN our time, than we can begin serving with a happy heart. When we get a quiet moment or a dinner out, we will TRULY be grateful for it, but we won’t come to EXPECT it. These little surprises will be a blessing to us as busy moms, but we must remember that they are a privilege and not a right.

 So many times I hear mothers complaining that they need “me time”. By that they mean that they want to do something “just for themselves” without their families. Perhaps they are trying to reward their own efforts at homemaking…I’m not really sure. With our busy lives, I never get the “luxury” of “me time”, and so I don’t really miss it. I think it is yet another thing made up to make women feel like they are missing something by staying home and mothering their children full time. People are quick to say that they put their kids in daycare because being apart from them “makes them better moms”… and they also say that limiting your family size is important so that you can have more material things, take more vacations, and have more “TIME FOR YOURSELF”! Do you see the pattern here? In my opinion, “me time” is just a selfish extension of the “me first” attitude that dominates our world.

I am not saying that you should never be apart from your children. If you can get away for a quick date night once in awhile, it will help your marriage and reconnect you with your spouse. If you are a single mom and don’t have this luxury, then taking a few hours apart to visit a friend or read a book by yourself will also rejuvenate you. I personally never leave my young babies to go on our date, but carry them along in a snuggly pack and enjoy the evening just the same. It is still a break and without the older kids dominating the conversation, Kevin and I still have time to reconnect. This is quite a different scenario then running off and letting your spouse babysit while you are out having fun “pampering” yourself. I know that some will disagree with me on this, but I find it selfish to be out chasing your desires on your own.  Once you are married you become a team, and it is so much nicer to let your husband reward you occasionally then to demand what you think you deserve for yourself.

So ladies, I encourage you to submit in love to the man that you married. Give your WHOLE heart to Jesus and seek the Lord earnestly in all that you do. Above all, learn to put others first because you WANT to, and not because you are playing the martyr again. I just keep reminding myself everyday that Jesus must INCREASE and I must DECREASE in order to make these things happen. It is a learning journey, and I pray that you will find the joy in serving that the Lord wants you to have…God Bless you and be well!