I know it’s been a long time since I have written a blog, and I feel badly for that. So much has happened in the past few months around here that is keeping me beyond busy! The most significant event is the birth of our new son, baby Josiah, who arrived on October 13^th ten days late and almost ten pounds. After a short but intense labor of one and a half hours, he made his appearance before the midwife arrived and was delivered by his Daddy! It was a glorious moment for me to have him out of my body at last, and I was overjoyed at his speedy arrival….God is so good to me!!

The first Monday that Kevin was back at work I went into the week with a little bit of dread that my “break” was over after less than two weeks of help. Unfortunately my mother could not come as planned because we were too concerned about the stupid swine flu outbreak to put her on an airplane.  So it was just me and the kids as usual. After only a few hours of sleep, Josiah and I got up to begin our day with the family. Kevin was already up cleaning the huge water mess in our kitchen which resulted from a leaky water cooler that we hadn’t even known was broken. Thankfully, he was able to repair it and his efforts made him only a little late for work…

Erika took over cooking breakfast for the bunch while I spent time nursing the baby and changing diapers. The little girls got baths and shampoos, and Josiah peed through his second set of clothes for the day.  The bus showed up to take Nicky to school, but he was still in the tub and I didn’t really mind since most of his classmates and his teacher had recently been ill. I was not taking any chances since we have a new baby around this flu season, so I had been keeping him home for the previous couple of weeks. The problem was, I couldn’t keep him home indefinitely unless I withdrew him from school, but I was not sure if I wanted to permanently remove him from his autism program. Last year was a tough one for us illness wise- From December through April we caught everything under the sun, and when the boys went back for summer school, we started getting sick again! This confirmed our decision to keep Jacob home this year, but we were still not sure about Nicky…and then came the pandemic!

Although I think that the swine flu is really a lot of hype, people ARE dying from it, and we all have weakened immune systems in our family. As the vaccines are being distributed, more people will get sick (especially from the nasal mist which is a live virus). So my concerns are probably legitimate, but I am starting to feel a bit neurotic anyway…

After everyone was washed and dressed, we started our morning supplements which can take awhile. I talked to my mother on the phone briefly while the kids took their minerals, and then we passed the phone around as they were all eager to talk to their Nanny. We had a quick morning cleanup of the house and the children took care of their assigned areas, and then Grammy arrived to help out for about and hour (she is employed doing some attendant care for us). I had to nurse the baby again, and the older children took the younger ones out back to play on our playground while I chatted with my mother-in-law. When the baby was happy, Erika gladly took him outside to join his siblings so I could take a shower and get dressed…the lack of sleep is seriously throwing off my routine! Grammy stayed inside with Nicky because he refuses to go out with the other kids, but he needs to be watched all of the time.

I emerged clean and dressed and much happier, only to encounter bickering children who could not be happy with anything! I was seriously ready to pull my hair out and the day had barely begun, but I took a deep breath and tried to settle their arguments instead. It seems that Elijah and Leah can never be wrong lately, and Erika teases everyone to tears. These are not exactly the fruits that I am trying to encourage in our house, but kids will be kids at times, and heck I have eight of them now!

We spent some time trying to shuffle kids around so that everyone would be safe, happy and productive. Finding morning activities to engage young children as well as children with special needs proves to be quite a challenge. We settled for Erika working with Nicky on his speech drills while Leah played on the trampoline with Jacob and Sarah, and Elijah kept Trinity busy. I was nursing again (of course) and keeping a watchful eye on everyone. We managed to throw in a few loads of laundry despite the chaos, and as long as the kids keep folding and putting away, we’ll make a dent in the backed up piles eventually.

After the morning learning activities were completed, the kids decided to go out back and paint some rocks for a rock exhibit they were planning. Unfortunately, they all ruined their clothes and even got the paint in their hair and on their faces! We cleaned them up well, but Sarah snuck out the doggy door and did some more painting in her clean clothes leaving us with yet another mess. It would take a day or so before we realized that the “washable” paint would not wash out, and we now have several “colorful” outfits for the children to wear. Erika brought a few rocks inside to show me their work, and Jacob picked one up and threw it randomly, breaking a glass picture frame on the living room wall. Thankfully no one was hurt, but I found myself thinking of what could’ve been and breathed a sigh of relief…

It was only noon, but it felt much later. Finally, our help arrived at 12:30pm in the form of Tyrus, the boys’ faithful therapist of three years. Usually we all eat lunch together at this time, but my constant nursing schedule has made many meals late this week. So I worked on preparing lunch while the children kept each other busy, and basically ran around a bit creating more messes for us to clean later on. I found myself digging deep to keep my patience, and I kept reminding myself that “this too shall pass”… Yes, life is always more challenging in the first few weeks after giving birth!

*Part two coming soon!!!

I guess everyone in life secretly wants people to wait on them in one form or another. Maybe you are a tired mom who wants to sit back and relax instead of cooking dinner for your family once in awhile. Or maybe you wish that your husband would spoil you with gifts, acts of service or other such indulgences. Perhaps you are jealous of the families who have cleaning ladies, personal shoppers, and lives of luxury…it is easy to get sucked into that trap especially if you are a television watcher!

I would like to remind you that the Bible says “the last shall be first and the first shall be last…” and it also speaks extensively of how Jesus himself came to serve and not to BE served. That has always been a hard concept for me to understand. How could the king of kings allow himself to be a mere servant of the people when he could have had multitudes of followers bowing at his feet and waiting on him? Wouldn’t it have been easier for Jesus to do his ministry if he had many servants assisting him with the dirty work? Maybe so…but instead he chose to get his hands messy and personally serve the ones he came to save.

Last night when we were doing our family devotionals with the children, we were looking at a passage of scripture in Mark chapter 10 where James and John ask Jesus to be seated in a place of honor beside him when they arrive in his heavenly kingdom.  They probably figured if they asked him first, that he would grant their request. The problem is that it was a bold and selfish request for which they were not worthy. Kind of like the kid who always wants the bigger piece of cake and tries to get it before his siblings notice. The other disciples became angry when they heard their request, and Jesus told James and John that if they wanted to be first, they must make themselves like servants here on earth. I’m quite sure that’s not what they expected to hear at all! They must have been taken aback that their request failed so miserably, and now they were being told to become like servants instead of like royalty as they had desired! It was a real wakeup call for them, and it should be a real wakeup call for us also.

We must not allow ourselves to become bitter when we have to do yet “one more thing…” for our children, our spouse, or even our boss at the office. We should remember that when we serve others, we are actually serving the Lord in a real and tangible way. He promises that what we do for the least of his people we are also doing for him. Isn’t it freeing and wonderful to know that our hard work is not in vain? As moms raising special needs children, we may feel that the work never ends…and in essence it doesn’t! Sometimes I fall into the chair at 10pm hoping for just a few minutes to talk with my dear husband, and we find ourselves faced with several more tasks to complete, or else we are so tired that we fall asleep talking! I use to become resentful over this, but now I am learning that we are both so tired because we are both so productive in what we do all day. We are working and raising children for the Lord, and it is not an easy task. We will never be sitting around with nothing to do at night, but that’s okay because our work pays eternal rewards!

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the “me first” attitude that has been pervading our society for a long time now. The false doctrine of “self-esteem” has made everyone think that pleasing oneself is the most important thing to consider. This is contrary to God’s word which clearly states that Jesus came to serve and not to BE served…and that we should do likewise. The Bible speaks very clearly about not elevating yourself above others, and not thinking too highly of yourself either. This is a tough pill to swallow in a world that idolizes independent, successful, and selfish people over the humble, quiet and Godly ones…

Not that there is anything wrong with being successful, as long as you are careful to give the glory to God and not take all of the credit for yourself. We tend to forget that without Him we are nothing, and that everything we have has been given to us as a blessing from above. When we start thinking that we alone are responsible for our success it is dangerous thinking. By the same token, if we begin to believe that children are created by an act of our OWN will independent of the Lord, then suddenly abortion becomes permissible. After all, if I created it, then I can destroy it….right? As Christians, we need to open our eyes to the attitudes that surround us everywhere. We need to read God’s word, and understand the flaws in this kind of selfish thinking. God has a higher purpose for each and every one of us, and it is so sad to see the majority of people stumbling through life just waiting for their purpose to be revealed. The Lord never intended for us to walk blindly along never quite knowing what we should do with our lives. He reveals more of Himself to us as well as His plans for us when we fervently seek His face.

Sometimes the hardest thing about mothering is the loss of your own personal time. As long as we believe that our time is our “own”, then it is easy to become angry and resentful when we don’t get much of it. Everywhere I turn there are mothers complaining about being overworked, overstressed, and under- appreciated. This is something many of us can relate to! The questions we need to ask ourselves are the following…

1. Are we really overworked, or are we just being lazy and not wanting to do everything that we know we need to do to keep things running smoothly? (Hint: if you have a roof over your head, indoor plumbing, a washing machine and a family vehicle then you are already working far less than most moms in the world!)
2.  Are we truly overstressed, or are we depending on ourselves too much instead of leaning on the Lord for strength? (Hint: if you always think you know all the answers without consulting God in prayer first, or if you are taking on too many other responsibilities outside of your home ministry, then you may need to change a few things in order to lessen your stress. Even in times of what the world would consider extreme or unmanageable stress, the Lord CAN and WILL give you peace as well as the ability to deal with your situation if only you will ASK Him.)
3. Are we really under-appreciated, or are we simply looking for our families to lavish praise upon us in a shallow attempt to boost our own “self-esteem”? (Hint: Do you actually believe that your family doesn’t appreciate having clean clothes to wear, good food to eat, a loving ear to listen to them, etc… etc… etc… just because they don’t always say it? In fact, do you remember to thank your husband for going to work every day to provide for your lifestyle?)

    Once we give up the notion that we OWN our time, than we can begin serving with a happy heart. When we get a quiet moment or a dinner out, we will TRULY be grateful for it, but we won’t come to EXPECT it. These little surprises will be a blessing to us as busy moms, but we must remember that they are a privilege and not a right.

 So many times I hear mothers complaining that they need “me time”. By that they mean that they want to do something “just for themselves” without their families. Perhaps they are trying to reward their own efforts at homemaking…I’m not really sure. With our busy lives, I never get the “luxury” of “me time”, and so I don’t really miss it. I think it is yet another thing made up to make women feel like they are missing something by staying home and mothering their children full time. People are quick to say that they put their kids in daycare because being apart from them “makes them better moms”… and they also say that limiting your family size is important so that you can have more material things, take more vacations, and have more “TIME FOR YOURSELF”! Do you see the pattern here? In my opinion, “me time” is just a selfish extension of the “me first” attitude that dominates our world.

I am not saying that you should never be apart from your children. If you can get away for a quick date night once in awhile, it will help your marriage and reconnect you with your spouse. If you are a single mom and don’t have this luxury, then taking a few hours apart to visit a friend or read a book by yourself will also rejuvenate you. I personally never leave my young babies to go on our date, but carry them along in a snuggly pack and enjoy the evening just the same. It is still a break and without the older kids dominating the conversation, Kevin and I still have time to reconnect. This is quite a different scenario then running off and letting your spouse babysit while you are out having fun “pampering” yourself. I know that some will disagree with me on this, but I find it selfish to be out chasing your desires on your own.  Once you are married you become a team, and it is so much nicer to let your husband reward you occasionally then to demand what you think you deserve for yourself.

So ladies, I encourage you to submit in love to the man that you married. Give your WHOLE heart to Jesus and seek the Lord earnestly in all that you do. Above all, learn to put others first because you WANT to, and not because you are playing the martyr again. I just keep reminding myself everyday that Jesus must INCREASE and I must DECREASE in order to make these things happen. It is a learning journey, and I pray that you will find the joy in serving that the Lord wants you to have…God Bless you and be well!

I have been so blessed to receive many letters of encouragement, and a lot of friendly advice from my fellow Above Rubies readers! My days are so very busy ladies, and try as I might, I have not been able to personally respond to the many emails I have received since the article was released. I still hope to do so, and am asking you all to be patient with me. I will answer a few letters each day as time allows. I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your kindness to me. Your words encourage me and keep me going, just as so many of you have written to say that I have encouraged you with my story. It is truly a circle of blessing for which I am grateful to play a part!

It is so wonderful to know that there are many families out there who are a lot like ours. As many of you have expressed to me, it feels so isolating at times to have children with special needs. Much to our dismay, we are truly the outcasts of society…unable to attend fancy restaurants, crowded or noisy places, and even some family events. Not to mention we NEVER get a vacation! Yes, we learned long ago that autism goes along no matter where we go, and sometimes it is just better to stay at home! I guess that knowing there are others who struggle with these issues helps to ease some of the isolating feelings. We are not alone after all ladies!!

So take heart…hopefully I will be able to respond to each of your letters in time. We do have a lot going on in our home right now, but each email is important to me and I appreciate them all. In the meantime, keep us in your prayers as we persevere in healing our children from autism and its related disorders. We believe that through natural remedies and the hand of God guiding us, we will be successful!

For all of you who are struggling in similar ways, keep this thought in mind….”Your days may be difficult and the challenges tough, but you’re TOO BLESSED TO BE STRESSED because God’s grace is ENOUGH!”

Hugs…

It seems like we are always busy lately… isn’t everyone these days? Running from thing to thing and place to place trying to accomplish everything in one day. It’s hard to remember to be still before the Lord, and to give our burdens to Him when we are feeling tired and overwhelmed. There have been days in the past when I feel like I just can’t handle one more chore, question, assignment or interruption! I’m sure that most busy moms will agree with me on this. However, I have learned a few secrets to managing a household filled with chaos, and I am feeling more confident in my God given ability to handle things these days. Here are a few tips that have helped me to stay sane:

1. I like to spend time in prayer as early in the day as possible. Sometimes I even pray at 3am when the baby wakes up if I am feeling alert enough to do so. Starting my day with the Lord beside me is always a good thing!




2. I make a daily list of things I hope to accomplish. I include each child’s homeschooling time with me, chores I need to do, phone calls or emails to return (I have a ton of these and it takes me awhile, so please be patient if you are waiting for a response), naptime (essential when I am pregnant), errands or appointments (I try to keep these on one day only), and what I am serving for dinner that evening. I enjoy crossing it off as I do each duty, and at the end of the day I can show Kevin what I did all day long! (Which is not always easy to see since keeping the house neat is always a huge challenge…)




3. I try really hard to keep my voice quiet and gentle. This is a true challenge because kids with autism don’t always pay attention to what you are saying. Sometimes I have to call again and again before they respond, and I do yell when there is danger and I need to stop a child quickly before they get hurt. But you should see how upset they get when I raise my voice! The boys have been known to run from the room covering their ears, or to yell back and throw things if they are really overwhelmed…and then I have to discipline on top of it all! So that is why I try really hard to be quiet, and ask the Lord daily to give me the patience that I often lack.




4. I try to stick to a routine as much as possible so the children know what to expect. This isn’t always easy, and I don’t believe in scheduling every little thing (like breastfeeding), but I do try to have meals at the same time, and they generally know what is expected of them at any given moment of the day.




5. I am learning to be at peace with the mess as much as possible. Although I’ve never been accused of being a neat freak, I do appreciate order. It is not easy to home school the children and keep the house neat all day too! The little ones need something to do, and usually blocks and toys are strewn all around while we are busy “doing school”. I use to hate this, but now I embrace it because it means they are not watching television all day. So now we have scheduled “pick – ups” of their assigned areas…one before lunchtime, one right before Daddy comes home (oh how he hates to come home to a mess), and one before going to bed. This way they don’t feel like they are cleaning all day, and we still get to enjoy an orderly house…at least part-time!




6. I am learning to have the joy of the Lord in my heart to overcome my tendency towards a negative attitude. When I am happy, they are happy…usually. Although teenage-hood has thrown an occasional curve ball to this theory, most of the time it is true. Having the joy of Jesus means having the ability to be happy and thankful no matter what your circumstances may be at any given time. Although you may not be thrilled about what is going on, you can rest assured that this is God’s will for you at the present time. Remember, trials make us stronger and challenges stretch us to places we have never been before…so if you look at life as an adventure and each obstacle you face as a mountain to be climbed, you will feel a sense of hope and accomplishment instead of the usual self-pity and despair!




7. If you are raising children with special needs, GO with their disabilities instead of fighting them. I am not suggesting just giving up and not trying to help your children to reach their potentials, but I do think that we often get bogged down in trying to “fix” them and in doing so we can miss the blessing that they bring to us just as they are. Enjoy your children with AND without autism (or other challenges), and remember that they are children FIRST no matter what their diagnosis may say. You can relieve a lot of your stress if you let go and let God in this area. It is not up to you to make them better (as I have believed for so many years), but to provide the tools that they need to reach their own personal best along with the Lord’s help. Pray more and worry less!




8. Last but not least, model the behavior that you want to see in your little blessings. Yes, I know it is easier to tell them “do as I say and not as I do,” but we all know that children never listen to this nonsense, don’t we? It is hard to know that your very life is a living testimony to your dear ones, but that is the absolute truth. If you have a bad moment and blow your witness, don’t despair! Just take a deep breath and start over THAT INSTANT being the role model that you want your children to follow, glorifying God in your actions and speech!

I hope these tips will be helpful to you on your journey to “stress free” parenting…Okay, so that doesn’t really exist I suppose, but you will make your life a lot easier if you have a game plan to follow. God bless you and your precious family and may He give you His peace as you go about your day!