Being that my last blog was less than upbeat, I wanted to follow it up with a happy synopsis of the miracles that have been happening in our lives lately. I don’t use the term “miracles” lightly either. Sure our house has been a little chaotic lately, but our house is always chaotic. Let’s face it, children usually bring some chaos along with them even when they aren’t autistic. So add some ADHD and autism to the mix, and what would you expect? The pace never slows down with eight kids anyway, so sometimes it is hard for me to sort out what amount of the chaos comes from autism, and what is just naturally occurring chaos!

Anyway, I’ve been reflecting this past week on the many changes we have seen with our kiddos since beginning the Spectrum Balance Protocol back in November. Anyone who knows us is well aware of how long we have been searching for the “magic bullet” to help our children. We have tried so many things over the years that people stopped taking us seriously and began thinking we were far out wacko’s who would “try anything”. I guess there is some truth to the “try anything” part of that theory, but trust me everything we did was well researched and not simply done on a whim. Despite the research, we have still been burned over the years by swindlers who are only in it for the money. So when Dr. Shauna came along with her Spectrum Balance Protocol, we were more than a little wary of the whole thing.
Desperate for change, we decided to try the protocol ourselves and see what happened. Unlike the many other diets we have tried over the years, the SBP diet came with the promise of an end in sight. It is a temporary diet, and we were told to expect about six months on the diet strictly before we would be allowed to eat more “normally” again. We decided that we could do anything for only six months, and so we began the program full force back in November. I have not done a great job keeping the website current with all of the new info and progress because we have been so busy living it out. However, I would not be doing any favors if I kept the info to myself because it has been truly miraculous!!

Beginning the diet was a little tough because we had to clean out our pantry and refrigerator of all non-diet approved foods, and it was quite an arduous task! We had A LOT of food to sort through, and even though most of it was organic and “healthy”, the majority of it was not SBP approved. Could it be as simple as eating the right foods to heal our children and see real progress for the first time???

The first month on the diet was rough. Behaviors came out of nowhere and the house went nuts as the children’s bodies adjusted to the change and began pushing the excess manganese out. That’s what this diet is all about…striking a balance between the iron and manganese levels in the body. Sounds weird right? But again, we were willing to try it because it is not harmful, nor is it expensive like other treatments we have done. It is just FOOD!

Two months or so into the diet things began to level off, and even more exciting Nicky began to talk! He started off saying single words more often which was incredible for us. Before the diet, he would attempt to say a word every so often, but it was rare and the words were unintelligible. Now he was saying words easily and several times a day. We were absolutely ecstatic! I never would have believed it if I hadn’t seen the progression for myself. Within three months he was not only talking a lot, he was also acquiring new skills daily. He learned to play video games (I know that sounds silly, but it takes dexterity and hand eye coordination to play these games, and he didn’t have that before.) He also started understanding directions, expanding his extremely self-limited diet to include fruits and vegetables, playing with his siblings, and even saying his ABC’s! We were floored, trust me.

Next came his first sentences. He said “Play fast Gin-ya” to his music teacher Virginia, and then “Super Paper Mario” when asked what game he wanted to play on the Wii. My goodness, my non-verbal son was answering questions! Even more wonderful was when his personality began to emerge. He said “no” to me for the first time, and had normal kid temper tantrums (for a reason) rather than the raging autistic ones that never made any sense to us. Each day seemed to bring something new for which we were so grateful for.

Now here we are five months into the protocol and we are hopeful for the future for the first time ever. God whispered to me the other day, “What will you do differently once the boys no longer have autism?” And I was shocked to even have had such a thought. Before the future looked kind of bleak, but now I just have to keep reminding myself that the progress is ongoing and we are still making headway. After everything we have done over the years, to get a completely different child in only a few months is nothing short of miraculous! And it’s not just Nicolas either. Being the most severely affected, he has showed the most obvious progress because he had so far to go. However, the other children have also made wonderful progress and it has been a huge blessing for our entire family.

The other children have made big strides with overcoming their obsessive compulsive disorders, anxiety, ADHD symptoms, and many of their autistic symptoms as well. Leah’s dyslexia has even improved to the point where she can read many words and write most of them too! So when I am feeling overwhelmed with life like all mothers do at times, I only need to reflect on the events of the past few months and I am again reminded of how much we have to be truly grateful for.

I have always said that once I find the “key” to unlocking autism in my children, I am going to share it with the world. Well, this tiny blog is a start and as the children continue to make progress I hope to get the message out in a big way. Other families deserve to know about this ground breaking work of Dr. Shauna and the No Harm Foundation. She is truly in this to help people, and not to swindle them like so many other doctors who have profited from the increase in autism. In fact, you can download a copy of the diet for free on her website (www.noharmfoundation.org). The link is also on my home page at the bottom left, and it is called the Spectrum Balance Protocol. Although seeing her for a consult is helpful, you can do this diet on your own.

I will be working hard to update my supplement page so that you can see what supplements are helpful on this diet. Spirulina is a key supplement because it is very high in iron which is great for helping things along. Manganese and iron share the same receptor sites in the brain, so increasing dietary sources of iron pushes out the manganese faster and replaces it with iron. Once the balance is reached, it will be stable unless the body is overloaded with manganese from sources like vitamin supplements and processed “fortified” foods. I know it’s a lot to take in, but it really does work if you stick to the plan. My only regret is that we didn’t have this information years ago. It would have saved us so much money, time and aggravation! But we can’t look behind us now, only ahead to the wonderful new life that awaits us. We are already seeing proof of it, and with each passing day we are rewarded with new words and skills that the children keep on acquiring. Life is grand folks!

Although most of my previous blogs have been positive and upbeat, this one is going to be a little different. I feel the need to get to the heart of the matter concerning the many challenges we face with autism in the family. We love our children immensely, but we have such struggles some days, and I know that other families can surely relate if they too are parenting a child with autism.

Sometimes I feel like we landed here from another planet.  We never quite fit in because we just can’t do things that “normal” families do, nor can we go places that other families go regularly. Birthday parties are horrendous because the children often run off and get lost with no locks on the doors, the foods are all off limits due to dietary restrictions, and the boys are very anti-social anyway. Stores are hard to navigate with a screaming one hundred pound child with severely limited communication skills, and shopping malls are out of the question. The one time we went to the local mall it took me, my oldest daughter, and the boys’ therapist to escort them inside and watch them carefully…even then Jacob tried to lean too far over the second story railing, and two of the boys obsessively rode the escalator up and down in an exhausting game of cat and mouse. You see nothing is easy for us! Even church poses quite a problem. It’s hard enough to get several young children and a baby to be quiet during service, but try getting older kids with loud vocal tics to settle down before you get the evil eye from too many people. Can you tell that I have been stressed lately???

There are times that we feel like prisoners in our own home for sure. Our love and commitment to our children is a choice we will never regret, but it brings with it many difficult challenges. We get comments from people who wonder why we don’t “just medicate them” with psychiatric drugs. I don’t bother to explain that before we knew a lot about natural health, we tried a plethora of drugs including anti-psychotics and SSRI’s with no good outcomes. (And a few bad ones including weight gain, new tics, and other side effects that I don’t care to elaborate on.) Others wonder why we continue to have children when there is “something wrong” with the ones that we have. To that comment we take particular offense, because although we don’t rub our religious beliefs in the faces of other people, we are strong in our faith and simply do not believe in birth control as a moral option for us. So we continue to welcome children as the Lord would have it, and we pray for the guidance to keep on doing right by our bunch. It is not a popular opinion, but for us it is the right choice. To this day I will never understand why it bothers some people so much. All I can really conclude is that they can’t imagine living our lives, so they find a reason to knock us for it.

We are continuously judged for our parenting abilities by people who do not understand that autism is a neurological condition that manifests as a behavioral disorder. Some of our own neighbors don’t want the boys to step foot into their driveways or yards which is next to impossible since we share a close property border. They are not being destructive in any way, but still they are harassed for being kids and trying to play outside with their siblings. The problem is that autistic children don’t always like to “play”, and so we have to organize, prompt and redirect all of the time. Picture this: it’s one hundred and five degrees outside in late April or early May here in Phoenix. We are outside with the children after a huge effort to get them dressed and agreeable to keep their clothes on. We take all of the bikes out of the garage, put up the child safety signs at the end of the cul-de-sac, get their helmets on, pour water for everyone, put shoes on, and they are finally ready to ride. Then a neighbor comes out and yells at us because one of the boys swerved into their driveway. We are sorry! We are really doing the best that we can…but can’t kids be kids? Don’t they deserve a little fun out front doing a “normal” activity for a change? I am sadly sure that many of you reading this have also experienced the same thing. If you are not in this position, then hopefully you will be the “nice” neighbor should you live near a child with autism. Oh how we appreciate a little understanding! If you are nice enough to give us some, you may get your ear talked off with gratitude because of it!!

Even family members don’t always understand. They may think you are doing everything wrong, or that your situation is not as difficult as you make it out to be. The reality is that they can go home…they do not have to live our lives and so they can say whatever they want- but in the end it is not them who will be up all night with a raging child or on call twenty-four hours a day for the rest of their lives. In many ways having a large family has been a big blessing to us. There is a lot of work, but also big paybacks. Many of the kids are capable of doing chores now, and so they help to watch their siblings and maintain the house. Yes, we all have jobs and we all help each other out to better function as a family. Outsiders can never comprehend how this can be a livable arrangement, but it works out quite nicely for us. I can’t imagine not having all of my children! I have a few friends with only one child who happens to have autism, and it is very difficult because they cannot even use the bathroom without fear of leaving the child alone – anyone with an autistic child knows what I mean by that…alone time equals danger or disaster in many cases.

I don’t really know where I am going with this. It’s not a real “feel good” blog today, but it is how I am feeling. I have been thinking about the future a lot lately, and trying not to panic. There have been many positive changes for our bunch this year. Nicolas started talking just 2 months or so into the Spectrum Balance Protocol, and that is nothing short of miraculous! For every blessing I want to be sure to turn back and praise the Lord!! When I think about reversing autism, I have always pictured them just waking up one day and being “normal” so to speak. But it isn’t like that at all. The truth is, recovery takes work and time…lots of it. Now that Nicolas is talking, he has to make up for many lost years.  He has been like a two year old for his entire life, and at the age of ten he has a lot of catching up to do. We have had such amazing success on this protocol after trying so many others, yet still I find myself wondering how the children are going to be in a few years. Will the progress continue? Will they catch up to others their age, albeit slowly? Once puberty hits and the testosterone kicks in, will the boys become even more aggressive and out of control? I don’t know the answers to these questions, but I can pray and trust God to handle things. This is what I tell myself: Surely He has not brought us so far to leave us high and dry. He has a purpose for our lives….a divine plan that we do not know right now. And I have to be okay with that.

In the meantime, we are still doing our part by keeping the kids on the SBP diet for the fifth month in a row now, using chiropractic and homeopathy to keep them healthy, and trying to keep a positive outlook. It is hard sometimes to be cheery when everything seems to be falling apart all around you, but it is essential to not stay gloomy for long. Now that we have a teenager and two pre-teens in the house, it adds a new level of interesting to an already crazy situation. Our oldest is fourteen and our youngest is six months now. I thank God that she is a good teenager so far and the most I can complain about is a bad attitude and a messy room; far less trouble than I gave my parents at that age!

I have started studying midwifery again and began a part time apprenticeship on January 6^th this year. It gives me a much needed outlet, and since I am used to being up all the time anyway, the lack of sleep is not a huge issue to me. I have found it refreshing to be home with my kids and still able to go on a few births each month. I guess it sounds like a funny outlet, but midwifery has been in my heart for a long time now. I am starting to discover that following your dreams is very important. After all, no one is going to make them happen but you! There is still a little fear when I walk out the door, but I am learning to trust that the children will be fine with Daddy, Grammy, their respite provider, and their big sister…whoever happens to be there when I am called away. There is always two or more around to help watch the kids, so for once in my life I can get a breather. But there will be no spa days for me! That’s right I decided to choose the long tiring hours of a student midwife as my outlet…ironic isn’t it? I guess I am just use to having a lot going on all the time now. I don’t think I could’ve done it five years ago though. I guess everything truly does have a season!

I’m sure most parents of children with autism also worry about the future. It can be a bit scary. My vision for the future is hazy right now because I don’t know how the kids will be in terms of functioning levels. I see us on a farm somewhere with a few goats, some chickens and a big garden. Perhaps the children who are still at home can learn to care for the animals and the land. I can be the local midwife and Kevin will hopefully be able to work from home much of the time so we can live out in the boonies. It’s a nice vision, but only God knows how much of it will come true. I am a mother first and a mother  till the end and have vowed to do whatever I have to do to give my children the best life possible.

Thanks for listening to my thoughts today. It has been a crazy month here at the Brock house. We are only just getting back on schedule since I have returned in March from my visit to see my grandfather for the last time, and then attend his funeral just a few days later. The kids didn’t know what to do without me for the week! It was the first time I have ever been away, and I am proud to say that I have trained them well. My oldest girl really stepped up to the plate and helped run the house while I was gone. I am truly blessed!

Like I said before, it is important not to be gloomy for too long, and most of the time I do not stay this way. But it has been a rough few weeks here and I am set on being authentic for the first time by sharing my true feelings and not putting on a fake happy face. People always want to know how you are feeling, but rarely do they want the real answer. Well we all need to vent sometimes, and I am at the point where I will no longer be a people pleaser because my real friends and the family members that matter will understand anyway. I wish you all the same level of honesty and peace in your relationships…God bless you and be well until next time!

I know it’s been a long time since I have written a blog, and I feel badly for that. So much has happened in the past few months around here that is keeping me beyond busy! The most significant event is the birth of our new son, baby Josiah, who arrived on October 13^th ten days late and almost ten pounds. After a short but intense labor of one and a half hours, he made his appearance before the midwife arrived and was delivered by his Daddy! It was a glorious moment for me to have him out of my body at last, and I was overjoyed at his speedy arrival….God is so good to me!!

The first Monday that Kevin was back at work I went into the week with a little bit of dread that my “break” was over after less than two weeks of help. Unfortunately my mother could not come as planned because we were too concerned about the stupid swine flu outbreak to put her on an airplane.  So it was just me and the kids as usual. After only a few hours of sleep, Josiah and I got up to begin our day with the family. Kevin was already up cleaning the huge water mess in our kitchen which resulted from a leaky water cooler that we hadn’t even known was broken. Thankfully, he was able to repair it and his efforts made him only a little late for work…

Erika took over cooking breakfast for the bunch while I spent time nursing the baby and changing diapers. The little girls got baths and shampoos, and Josiah peed through his second set of clothes for the day.  The bus showed up to take Nicky to school, but he was still in the tub and I didn’t really mind since most of his classmates and his teacher had recently been ill. I was not taking any chances since we have a new baby around this flu season, so I had been keeping him home for the previous couple of weeks. The problem was, I couldn’t keep him home indefinitely unless I withdrew him from school, but I was not sure if I wanted to permanently remove him from his autism program. Last year was a tough one for us illness wise- From December through April we caught everything under the sun, and when the boys went back for summer school, we started getting sick again! This confirmed our decision to keep Jacob home this year, but we were still not sure about Nicky…and then came the pandemic!

Although I think that the swine flu is really a lot of hype, people ARE dying from it, and we all have weakened immune systems in our family. As the vaccines are being distributed, more people will get sick (especially from the nasal mist which is a live virus). So my concerns are probably legitimate, but I am starting to feel a bit neurotic anyway…

After everyone was washed and dressed, we started our morning supplements which can take awhile. I talked to my mother on the phone briefly while the kids took their minerals, and then we passed the phone around as they were all eager to talk to their Nanny. We had a quick morning cleanup of the house and the children took care of their assigned areas, and then Grammy arrived to help out for about and hour (she is employed doing some attendant care for us). I had to nurse the baby again, and the older children took the younger ones out back to play on our playground while I chatted with my mother-in-law. When the baby was happy, Erika gladly took him outside to join his siblings so I could take a shower and get dressed…the lack of sleep is seriously throwing off my routine! Grammy stayed inside with Nicky because he refuses to go out with the other kids, but he needs to be watched all of the time.

I emerged clean and dressed and much happier, only to encounter bickering children who could not be happy with anything! I was seriously ready to pull my hair out and the day had barely begun, but I took a deep breath and tried to settle their arguments instead. It seems that Elijah and Leah can never be wrong lately, and Erika teases everyone to tears. These are not exactly the fruits that I am trying to encourage in our house, but kids will be kids at times, and heck I have eight of them now!

We spent some time trying to shuffle kids around so that everyone would be safe, happy and productive. Finding morning activities to engage young children as well as children with special needs proves to be quite a challenge. We settled for Erika working with Nicky on his speech drills while Leah played on the trampoline with Jacob and Sarah, and Elijah kept Trinity busy. I was nursing again (of course) and keeping a watchful eye on everyone. We managed to throw in a few loads of laundry despite the chaos, and as long as the kids keep folding and putting away, we’ll make a dent in the backed up piles eventually.

After the morning learning activities were completed, the kids decided to go out back and paint some rocks for a rock exhibit they were planning. Unfortunately, they all ruined their clothes and even got the paint in their hair and on their faces! We cleaned them up well, but Sarah snuck out the doggy door and did some more painting in her clean clothes leaving us with yet another mess. It would take a day or so before we realized that the “washable” paint would not wash out, and we now have several “colorful” outfits for the children to wear. Erika brought a few rocks inside to show me their work, and Jacob picked one up and threw it randomly, breaking a glass picture frame on the living room wall. Thankfully no one was hurt, but I found myself thinking of what could’ve been and breathed a sigh of relief…

It was only noon, but it felt much later. Finally, our help arrived at 12:30pm in the form of Tyrus, the boys’ faithful therapist of three years. Usually we all eat lunch together at this time, but my constant nursing schedule has made many meals late this week. So I worked on preparing lunch while the children kept each other busy, and basically ran around a bit creating more messes for us to clean later on. I found myself digging deep to keep my patience, and I kept reminding myself that “this too shall pass”… Yes, life is always more challenging in the first few weeks after giving birth!

*Part two coming soon!!!

I guess everyone in life secretly wants people to wait on them in one form or another. Maybe you are a tired mom who wants to sit back and relax instead of cooking dinner for your family once in awhile. Or maybe you wish that your husband would spoil you with gifts, acts of service or other such indulgences. Perhaps you are jealous of the families who have cleaning ladies, personal shoppers, and lives of luxury…it is easy to get sucked into that trap especially if you are a television watcher!

I would like to remind you that the Bible says “the last shall be first and the first shall be last…” and it also speaks extensively of how Jesus himself came to serve and not to BE served. That has always been a hard concept for me to understand. How could the king of kings allow himself to be a mere servant of the people when he could have had multitudes of followers bowing at his feet and waiting on him? Wouldn’t it have been easier for Jesus to do his ministry if he had many servants assisting him with the dirty work? Maybe so…but instead he chose to get his hands messy and personally serve the ones he came to save.

Last night when we were doing our family devotionals with the children, we were looking at a passage of scripture in Mark chapter 10 where James and John ask Jesus to be seated in a place of honor beside him when they arrive in his heavenly kingdom.  They probably figured if they asked him first, that he would grant their request. The problem is that it was a bold and selfish request for which they were not worthy. Kind of like the kid who always wants the bigger piece of cake and tries to get it before his siblings notice. The other disciples became angry when they heard their request, and Jesus told James and John that if they wanted to be first, they must make themselves like servants here on earth. I’m quite sure that’s not what they expected to hear at all! They must have been taken aback that their request failed so miserably, and now they were being told to become like servants instead of like royalty as they had desired! It was a real wakeup call for them, and it should be a real wakeup call for us also.

We must not allow ourselves to become bitter when we have to do yet “one more thing…” for our children, our spouse, or even our boss at the office. We should remember that when we serve others, we are actually serving the Lord in a real and tangible way. He promises that what we do for the least of his people we are also doing for him. Isn’t it freeing and wonderful to know that our hard work is not in vain? As moms raising special needs children, we may feel that the work never ends…and in essence it doesn’t! Sometimes I fall into the chair at 10pm hoping for just a few minutes to talk with my dear husband, and we find ourselves faced with several more tasks to complete, or else we are so tired that we fall asleep talking! I use to become resentful over this, but now I am learning that we are both so tired because we are both so productive in what we do all day. We are working and raising children for the Lord, and it is not an easy task. We will never be sitting around with nothing to do at night, but that’s okay because our work pays eternal rewards!

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the “me first” attitude that has been pervading our society for a long time now. The false doctrine of “self-esteem” has made everyone think that pleasing oneself is the most important thing to consider. This is contrary to God’s word which clearly states that Jesus came to serve and not to BE served…and that we should do likewise. The Bible speaks very clearly about not elevating yourself above others, and not thinking too highly of yourself either. This is a tough pill to swallow in a world that idolizes independent, successful, and selfish people over the humble, quiet and Godly ones…

Not that there is anything wrong with being successful, as long as you are careful to give the glory to God and not take all of the credit for yourself. We tend to forget that without Him we are nothing, and that everything we have has been given to us as a blessing from above. When we start thinking that we alone are responsible for our success it is dangerous thinking. By the same token, if we begin to believe that children are created by an act of our OWN will independent of the Lord, then suddenly abortion becomes permissible. After all, if I created it, then I can destroy it….right? As Christians, we need to open our eyes to the attitudes that surround us everywhere. We need to read God’s word, and understand the flaws in this kind of selfish thinking. God has a higher purpose for each and every one of us, and it is so sad to see the majority of people stumbling through life just waiting for their purpose to be revealed. The Lord never intended for us to walk blindly along never quite knowing what we should do with our lives. He reveals more of Himself to us as well as His plans for us when we fervently seek His face.

Sometimes the hardest thing about mothering is the loss of your own personal time. As long as we believe that our time is our “own”, then it is easy to become angry and resentful when we don’t get much of it. Everywhere I turn there are mothers complaining about being overworked, overstressed, and under- appreciated. This is something many of us can relate to! The questions we need to ask ourselves are the following…

1. Are we really overworked, or are we just being lazy and not wanting to do everything that we know we need to do to keep things running smoothly? (Hint: if you have a roof over your head, indoor plumbing, a washing machine and a family vehicle then you are already working far less than most moms in the world!)
2.  Are we truly overstressed, or are we depending on ourselves too much instead of leaning on the Lord for strength? (Hint: if you always think you know all the answers without consulting God in prayer first, or if you are taking on too many other responsibilities outside of your home ministry, then you may need to change a few things in order to lessen your stress. Even in times of what the world would consider extreme or unmanageable stress, the Lord CAN and WILL give you peace as well as the ability to deal with your situation if only you will ASK Him.)
3. Are we really under-appreciated, or are we simply looking for our families to lavish praise upon us in a shallow attempt to boost our own “self-esteem”? (Hint: Do you actually believe that your family doesn’t appreciate having clean clothes to wear, good food to eat, a loving ear to listen to them, etc… etc… etc… just because they don’t always say it? In fact, do you remember to thank your husband for going to work every day to provide for your lifestyle?)

    Once we give up the notion that we OWN our time, than we can begin serving with a happy heart. When we get a quiet moment or a dinner out, we will TRULY be grateful for it, but we won’t come to EXPECT it. These little surprises will be a blessing to us as busy moms, but we must remember that they are a privilege and not a right.

 So many times I hear mothers complaining that they need “me time”. By that they mean that they want to do something “just for themselves” without their families. Perhaps they are trying to reward their own efforts at homemaking…I’m not really sure. With our busy lives, I never get the “luxury” of “me time”, and so I don’t really miss it. I think it is yet another thing made up to make women feel like they are missing something by staying home and mothering their children full time. People are quick to say that they put their kids in daycare because being apart from them “makes them better moms”… and they also say that limiting your family size is important so that you can have more material things, take more vacations, and have more “TIME FOR YOURSELF”! Do you see the pattern here? In my opinion, “me time” is just a selfish extension of the “me first” attitude that dominates our world.

I am not saying that you should never be apart from your children. If you can get away for a quick date night once in awhile, it will help your marriage and reconnect you with your spouse. If you are a single mom and don’t have this luxury, then taking a few hours apart to visit a friend or read a book by yourself will also rejuvenate you. I personally never leave my young babies to go on our date, but carry them along in a snuggly pack and enjoy the evening just the same. It is still a break and without the older kids dominating the conversation, Kevin and I still have time to reconnect. This is quite a different scenario then running off and letting your spouse babysit while you are out having fun “pampering” yourself. I know that some will disagree with me on this, but I find it selfish to be out chasing your desires on your own.  Once you are married you become a team, and it is so much nicer to let your husband reward you occasionally then to demand what you think you deserve for yourself.

So ladies, I encourage you to submit in love to the man that you married. Give your WHOLE heart to Jesus and seek the Lord earnestly in all that you do. Above all, learn to put others first because you WANT to, and not because you are playing the martyr again. I just keep reminding myself everyday that Jesus must INCREASE and I must DECREASE in order to make these things happen. It is a learning journey, and I pray that you will find the joy in serving that the Lord wants you to have…God Bless you and be well!

I have been so blessed to receive many letters of encouragement, and a lot of friendly advice from my fellow Above Rubies readers! My days are so very busy ladies, and try as I might, I have not been able to personally respond to the many emails I have received since the article was released. I still hope to do so, and am asking you all to be patient with me. I will answer a few letters each day as time allows. I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your kindness to me. Your words encourage me and keep me going, just as so many of you have written to say that I have encouraged you with my story. It is truly a circle of blessing for which I am grateful to play a part!

It is so wonderful to know that there are many families out there who are a lot like ours. As many of you have expressed to me, it feels so isolating at times to have children with special needs. Much to our dismay, we are truly the outcasts of society…unable to attend fancy restaurants, crowded or noisy places, and even some family events. Not to mention we NEVER get a vacation! Yes, we learned long ago that autism goes along no matter where we go, and sometimes it is just better to stay at home! I guess that knowing there are others who struggle with these issues helps to ease some of the isolating feelings. We are not alone after all ladies!!

So take heart…hopefully I will be able to respond to each of your letters in time. We do have a lot going on in our home right now, but each email is important to me and I appreciate them all. In the meantime, keep us in your prayers as we persevere in healing our children from autism and its related disorders. We believe that through natural remedies and the hand of God guiding us, we will be successful!

For all of you who are struggling in similar ways, keep this thought in mind….”Your days may be difficult and the challenges tough, but you’re TOO BLESSED TO BE STRESSED because God’s grace is ENOUGH!”

Hugs…

It seems like we are always busy lately… isn’t everyone these days? Running from thing to thing and place to place trying to accomplish everything in one day. It’s hard to remember to be still before the Lord, and to give our burdens to Him when we are feeling tired and overwhelmed. There have been days in the past when I feel like I just can’t handle one more chore, question, assignment or interruption! I’m sure that most busy moms will agree with me on this. However, I have learned a few secrets to managing a household filled with chaos, and I am feeling more confident in my God given ability to handle things these days. Here are a few tips that have helped me to stay sane:

1. I like to spend time in prayer as early in the day as possible. Sometimes I even pray at 3am when the baby wakes up if I am feeling alert enough to do so. Starting my day with the Lord beside me is always a good thing!




2. I make a daily list of things I hope to accomplish. I include each child’s homeschooling time with me, chores I need to do, phone calls or emails to return (I have a ton of these and it takes me awhile, so please be patient if you are waiting for a response), naptime (essential when I am pregnant), errands or appointments (I try to keep these on one day only), and what I am serving for dinner that evening. I enjoy crossing it off as I do each duty, and at the end of the day I can show Kevin what I did all day long! (Which is not always easy to see since keeping the house neat is always a huge challenge…)




3. I try really hard to keep my voice quiet and gentle. This is a true challenge because kids with autism don’t always pay attention to what you are saying. Sometimes I have to call again and again before they respond, and I do yell when there is danger and I need to stop a child quickly before they get hurt. But you should see how upset they get when I raise my voice! The boys have been known to run from the room covering their ears, or to yell back and throw things if they are really overwhelmed…and then I have to discipline on top of it all! So that is why I try really hard to be quiet, and ask the Lord daily to give me the patience that I often lack.




4. I try to stick to a routine as much as possible so the children know what to expect. This isn’t always easy, and I don’t believe in scheduling every little thing (like breastfeeding), but I do try to have meals at the same time, and they generally know what is expected of them at any given moment of the day.




5. I am learning to be at peace with the mess as much as possible. Although I’ve never been accused of being a neat freak, I do appreciate order. It is not easy to home school the children and keep the house neat all day too! The little ones need something to do, and usually blocks and toys are strewn all around while we are busy “doing school”. I use to hate this, but now I embrace it because it means they are not watching television all day. So now we have scheduled “pick – ups” of their assigned areas…one before lunchtime, one right before Daddy comes home (oh how he hates to come home to a mess), and one before going to bed. This way they don’t feel like they are cleaning all day, and we still get to enjoy an orderly house…at least part-time!




6. I am learning to have the joy of the Lord in my heart to overcome my tendency towards a negative attitude. When I am happy, they are happy…usually. Although teenage-hood has thrown an occasional curve ball to this theory, most of the time it is true. Having the joy of Jesus means having the ability to be happy and thankful no matter what your circumstances may be at any given time. Although you may not be thrilled about what is going on, you can rest assured that this is God’s will for you at the present time. Remember, trials make us stronger and challenges stretch us to places we have never been before…so if you look at life as an adventure and each obstacle you face as a mountain to be climbed, you will feel a sense of hope and accomplishment instead of the usual self-pity and despair!




7. If you are raising children with special needs, GO with their disabilities instead of fighting them. I am not suggesting just giving up and not trying to help your children to reach their potentials, but I do think that we often get bogged down in trying to “fix” them and in doing so we can miss the blessing that they bring to us just as they are. Enjoy your children with AND without autism (or other challenges), and remember that they are children FIRST no matter what their diagnosis may say. You can relieve a lot of your stress if you let go and let God in this area. It is not up to you to make them better (as I have believed for so many years), but to provide the tools that they need to reach their own personal best along with the Lord’s help. Pray more and worry less!




8. Last but not least, model the behavior that you want to see in your little blessings. Yes, I know it is easier to tell them “do as I say and not as I do,” but we all know that children never listen to this nonsense, don’t we? It is hard to know that your very life is a living testimony to your dear ones, but that is the absolute truth. If you have a bad moment and blow your witness, don’t despair! Just take a deep breath and start over THAT INSTANT being the role model that you want your children to follow, glorifying God in your actions and speech!

I hope these tips will be helpful to you on your journey to “stress free” parenting…Okay, so that doesn’t really exist I suppose, but you will make your life a lot easier if you have a game plan to follow. God bless you and your precious family and may He give you His peace as you go about your day!